You’re Not Single Because You’re Angry

But it’s okay to be angry that you’re single.

Photo by Shani Silver

Singlehood anger doesn’t come from jealousy. Jealousy is a child’s toy compared to what we feel. Our anger is what sets in later, after years of watching everyone you know partner up while you can’t find the thing they accidentally bumped into. It’s what happens when you watch yourself become the thing you’ve been afraid of your entire adulthood. Anger comes after the cute little pangs of longing while you scroll through social media, after you sit on the sidelines during countless slow dances at weddings. It sets in after you’ve stopped hoping for the life everyone else got to have, and you acknowledge the fact that you have to grieve a life you assumed would be yours — because you weren’t asking for anything insane.

It’s okay to be angry about being single. It’s okay to be livid that you spent your 30s — all of them — alone. It’s fine to be on the verge of spitting fire when you think of how literally everyone you’re close to “found someone,” seemingly effortlessly, while no matter how much effort you’ve exerted, you can’t seem to do something as basic as meeting a human being. Rage is fine. In fact, I’d say rage is encouraged. Because to spend endless years in search of something without finding it, while people around you who are just as beautifully imperfect as you are get to stop looking, that’s not…