You Will Not Be Single For The Rest Of Your Life

Shani Silver
9 min readMar 21, 2021

Answering a few worst case what ifs.

Photo by BARBARA RIBEIRO from Pexels

If you haven’t read it, take a look at Pondering A Future Alone by Yael Wolfe. A podcast listener of mine recently shared it with me, and top to bottom it’s honest, direct, and poetic, three indicators that it’s worth your time and eyeballs. It’s asking some incredibly valid questions but more than that, it’s asking relatable ones. Yael beautifully walks us through the thought process of a single woman, and those thoughts aren’t sad, wrong, or weak—they’re incredibly powerful and real, and ignoring them doesn’t serve us well. I love the questions, and I’m grateful to Yael for asking them. But right now, I’d like to think about the answers.

There’s nothing wrong with asking the What Ifs of single life. There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging our unwanted scenarios—because acknowledging them can’t magically make them come true, it can only make us more prepared, if we’re willing to go there. I think asking the What Ifs is actually a really healthy thing to do—as long as you also answer them. Allowing a laundry list of What Ifs about life to bubble to the surface and claim mental, emotional, even nervous system real estate inside us and then leave them there like terrifying hanging chads doesn’t serve us as well as playing the tape through to the end. What if? Let’s find out, maybe then we take away the power of a What If to make us uncertain and afraid.

Before I get into some of the outstanding questions Yael brings up, I want to give a piece of (privileged) advice that is my #1 piece of advice for single women, other than block him and move on, because this can actually answer a TON of What Ifs: build a savings account. Every paycheck, without fail, set aside a percentage that you’re comfortable with, or even better, one you’re not comfortable with (you’ll feel more comfortable over time) and put it in a savings account. Every. Single. Time. I contribute 1/3 of every check I receive (I’m freelance, so this accounts for tax savings as well) to a savings account. When that savings account hits a certain amount, I take out half of it and move it to an investment account with an app called Betterment, which allows my money to grow without me having to do anything extra.