You Don’t Have To Compensate For Being Single

Shani Silver
13 min readSep 1, 2022

If they doubt your happiness, that’s their problem.

Make it look fun, right?

I’ve been working in the singlehood reframing space for over four years, and one thing that’s consistently given me a rash is the fact that a happy, valid, content singlehood can’t just…be. For some reason it seems very difficult for singles to simply exist as happy human beings without the world also demanding a show of it. I’m talking about the pressures or sometimes literal requests singles receive to demonstrate that we’re “living our best lives.” It’s never enough to just do it, you have to show people you’re doing it too, or it doesn’t count.

This might be my iconoclastic nature talking, but I refuse to live my life obligated to social media and/or the opinions of others. I’ve yet to receive a check in the mail from either so I consider living my life in service of them to be a genuine waste of my time. When we feel compelled to show the world just how “fabulous” our singlehood is, through acts and demonstrations that abide by a couple-centric society’s definitions of fabulous, we are compensating for something that does not require compensation.

If we’re operating in a world, and most certainly a mindset, that still sees couplehood as the “correct” way to be while singlehood is incorrect and lacking, hell yes we’ll feel pressure to demonstrate that, “Nuh-uh, my life is great too, see?!”

Your single life is great, and it doesn’t have to be packed to the rafters in order to be great. You define great, the opinions of others can never do that for you. At least not in a way that’s lasting. When we feel compelled to prove how fun, full, and fantastic our single lives are, all we’re doing is taking one pressure, “find someone,” and replacing it with another, proving we’re not sad.

Single people never have to prove their happiness, we’re allowed to just be happy, and that’s enough. (In this day and age that’s actually quite a lot.) I believe we get to just live, to simply exist, can you imagine? I don’t think we need to prove our happiness or our worth in order to be loved and accepted and I also believe that one day the world will agree with me. Until then, I’ll keep writing if you’ll keep reading.