*Whispers* I Enjoy The Cold

Winter? No sweat.

Photo by yonatan anugerah on Unsplash

As we scoot to the edge of the Polar Vortex cliff, I see a lot of hostility in those weather screenshots you’re posting. A universal condemnation of the thermostat that dammit if I don’t feel is a bit unjust. Winter gets labeled the “bad” part of the year. It hides behind the Christmas lights for awhile, sure, plying the world with gingerbread and candy canes so no one has time to notice they’re eating them with gloves on. But come January 2nd it’s as if winter can do no right. One false dip in the mercury and it’s, “Dammit winter, you asshole! Again?” So harsh. So unforgiving. So cold.

You might not realize this, as unpopular opinions are often punished and therefore rarely discussed, but not everyone hates winter. Some of us, brace yourselves now, some of us actually like it. Some of us enjoy the cool crispness of the air, the quiet stillness of snow, the ability of a shower’s freshness to last longer than 7 minutes. We don our scarves and coats with a little shimmy of joy, and find happiness in our option to go five months without a pedicure.

Summer gets the glory, sure. What with its vacations and short Fridays and ice cream truck offerings. It’s hard to compete. Or is it? Is it really so hard to compete with a season that does its level best to ensure the hardest working parts of our bodies are also the grossest? Hope you like sweating from May-October, because you’re gonna. Why do we never question a time of year so sinister that it cooks a city as if we’re within a tagine, roasting and steaming an entire metropolis, making even casual errands feel like cardio and magnifying street stench with nostril-injuring potency?

You know what, I like winter! With its precipitation that doesn’t require an umbrella and its comforting crockpot delights and its layering opportunities. Summer can’t do that for you. Summer wants you to sweat until you’re dehydrated and eat cucumbers and celery and other cylindrical types of crunchy water and be forced to expose every safe-for-work inch of skin so that you don’t die of heatstroke. Do you like shaving your legs twice a week? Do you!?

I take offense to the lack of appreciation shown to one of nature’s greatest gifts. I like fresh air that’s actually fresh, thank you. I enjoy the sight of newly fallen snow coating everything the light touches in glittery frosting. I find us, as a species, ungrateful for these miracles. Fickle, we are. Cursing winter’s name one moment and frolicking with glee in its snowbanks the next. You wouldn’t take this kind of treatment from a significant other but you’ll dole it out on Mother Nature without pause.

“If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve my best.” It’s right there on your coffee mug Karen, I suggest you think long and hard about your attitude. I suggest we all start to see the majestic beauty in the surround and feel the vivacity in the air. I say we appreciate the distinct coziness that can only come from being warm inside while it’s cold outside. Wise up to winter and understand that when it gets really, really cold, our gal’s just showin’ us what she can do. Stop your season shaming. Put on a scarf. Toss a log on the fire. Chill.

NPR once called me a humor essayist, let’s go with that. Host of A Single Serving Podcast. shanisilver[at]gmail

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