There Is Only One Reason Why You’re Actually Still Single

Shani Silver
7 min readAug 25, 2020

And it is most definitely not your fault.

Photo by Francesco Mazzoli on Unsplash

To begin, I take umbrage (what a fantastic word) with “still.” Still implies that you’re late, that you haven’t done something fast enough, and that’s bad. Last I checked, not only was there no globally mandated timeline for partnerships, but I’m pretty sure we have the capacity to love until we’re dead. Whatever time it is, you’ve got more, and “still” is a trash way of pressuring you into feeling like a loser.

This is a response to an article that was recently brought to my attention, titled: This Is Why You’re Still Single. Not only do I disagree with this essay down to my shoes, but I also cannot physically go on with my day or indeed my very existence without clawing it to shreds like so many couches in homes with cats.

I believe this piece was written from a good place. Of course it was. No one sets out to give advice from a place of evil unless you’re a cartoon villain from the 90s. I’m certain this author meant well and I’d like to acknowledge and celebrate that well-meaning. At the same time, I can’t leave this alone, because there are enough listicles reiterating to single people just how wrong they are, and I think we as singles have the right to slam a few back over the net.

There are several “reasons” given as to “why you’re still single.” One ground rule that will help you as you progress through life and indeed this essay: If something isn’t wrong, you can’t be at fault for it. The blogerati love to give single people “reasons.” In general, I think having something to blame for an undesirable situation just makes everyone more comfortable. But seeing as how single people are free to do whatever they want all the time, make all of their own decisions all the time, and compromise with no one, ever, I don’t think that singlehood is quite the life plague we’ve been led to believe it is. Being single isn’t inherently wrong. Being so unhappy being single that you’ll listen to bullshit, or try anything and everything no matter what you have to endure in order to “find someone,” is wrong, or just unnecessary. And by the way, if it wasn’t these reasons, it would be their exact opposites. Read all the reasons that follow in the exact reverse, you’ll see what I mean. (Ex: “you aren’t confident” vs “ you’re…

Shani Silver

Author, podcaster. shanisilver@gmail