The Best Places To Go Inside Your Own Apartment

Going nowhere, and everywhere, at the same time.

Photo by Timothy Buck on Unsplash

Hello and welcome to Ridiculously Local, a new travel show hosted by the voices inside your own head, because who else is actually around. This show is taking you everywhere you’ve already been, and showing you mildly entertaining things you’ve never had the time or dystopian mindset to see before. Here at Ridiculously Local, we believe that staying at home doesn’t have to mean the end of wanderlust. It’s just that now, we get to do it without shoes. It literally doesn’t get more local than this folks, let’s explore.

Spring 2020’s hottest destination is your own apartment. Literally. Since absolutely everything else is uncomfortable, we refuse to allow the interior temperature to be, and we’re suddenly really okay with a liberal use of electric heat. Completely tailored and decorated to each individual traveler’s tastes, in-home adventures are the ultimate bespoke exploration experience. Stand in your doorway, don’t touch anything, and step forward into a place you might as well enjoy because you’re already paying for it anyway. And while entryways are typically seen as a pass-through location, this spring we’re seeing countless travelers actually hang out there, at least until the “to donate” piles and dry goods backup stores overtake the space–so get in while you can.

We’re seeing a huge uptick in the popularity of coat closets this year. Everything from podcast recordings to immersive meditations are happening within the extremely exclusive inches previously reserved for outerwear, which has fallen completely off the radar and been moved to that weird place that holds the water heater.

Food is unquestionably a huge draw when it comes to travel, and there’s no other adventure that puts you this close to hyper-local chefs who can’t wait to tantalize your tastebuds with whatever’s about to go bad in the fridge. This spring, we’re seeing full tasting menus that are completely pantry-staple driven, really testing the range and creativity of these culinary giants. The most innovative chefs in the business are really delighting diners these days by freezing 3/4 of their menus and pulling them out on random days so as to avoid quarantine cuisine monotony. Let’s hear it for these innovators and their ability to google new ways to use chickpeas!

If you’ve never spent (a significant amount of) time at your extremely local library, we’re here to tell you that right now, books are having a moment. Widely known to be the thing that makes you feel most accomplished for organizing, this spring, home libraries are rivaling even bathtubs as the place to relax and restore. From books you bought on Amazon because you heard about them on a podcast, to books you totally forgot you even owned, the at-home library is an absolute must on your socially distant itinerary. It’s not a competition to see who read the most during social isolation, but it also totally is.

Let’s talk about local flora and fauna. Absolutely everyone is vying for sunshine this spring, making the space in front of the “good” window prime real estate for cats, dogs, and every plant you own that’s hanging on for dear life. Spend time in the sunny spot this season and finally find out what’s been keeping this destination at the top of every non-human entity’s list for so long! It’s BYO-blanket and first come, first served, so make sure you beat the crowds, because Golden Retrievers have been known to dominate the scene.

The ultimate in local botanical immersion.

One frequently overlooked opportunity to take in a little something green? Herbs! Whether you’re managing a countertop garden via a fancy Kickstarter item you got for Christmas, or simply opening the fridge door and admiring your parsley and chives which have banded together in a kind of mini-jungle, there are so many opportunities to pretend that you’ve left the house—don’t miss them!

There’s nothing like a night at the movies, but what about a whole fiscal quarter at the cinema! The entertainment scene is buzzing this season, home entertainment systems are almost never dark, and because thankfully none of this happened until streaming services were plentiful, stay-home travel is filled to the brim with everything from Disney+ classics to a six-part documentary about tiger people. Anyone looking for an adventure back in time is sure to enjoy watching any of the DVDs they still own and refuse to throw away, and type A personalities will even enjoy creating a spreadsheet of everything they want to watch so that their food doesn’t get cold during the selection process.

If you’re staying home this spring and you’re looking to mix things up—look no further than the other end of the couch. Why sit in “your” spot when there are so many other spots to explore? Insider tip, because what other kind of tips are there right now, take an armchair and…move it! Sit somewhere unexpected this season, it’s the ultimate in making old experiences kind of new again. While we’re at it, if you’ve never considered the “other” side of the bed, hospitality experts are really featuring it as a go-to destination for anyone who finds themselves sinking into routine.

Do you love nightlife? Who doesn’t! And this spring, given our current health crisis climate and the fact that no one knows what you’re actually doing at any given moment, it’s literally always five-o-clock somewhere—right here, in fact. Whether your kitchen island is built-in or Ikea-bought, it’s safe to say that this spring, it’s the absolute epicenter of local mixology. Where bar carts were once the trend, they’ve now been commandeered as makeshift desks or simply repurposed as a place to keep snacks near the couch, so those kitchen islands are always prepped and ready to help you drown a significantly larger amount of sorrows than any of us are used to. It’s Corona-Rules Cocktailing at its finest, and there’s no time of day, day of the week, or state of inebriation that’s off-limits. Need a drink? Of course you do.

Has the stress of our impending doom and the failure of our leadership started to wear on, or obliterate, your nerves? You’ll be thrilled to know that the common apartment bathroom has been completely redone for Spring 2020, with local interior design experts bringing in everything from Alexa speakers, houseplants, and space heaters in order to transform these tiled temples into 2.5 star spas the instant you close the door. The real winner in all this? Sheet mask manufacturers. If you’re not doing at least one sheet mask per day, you’re truly missing out on a rare experience to use up all the bath and body products you’ve been saving for a rainy day. Because sweetie, it’s raining.

Anyone who lives for a good adventure absolutely must set aside time on their next trip to really excavate the scary cabinet under the sink. These exclusive tours, guided by your own fears of bugs and the unknown, are the fastest way to both beat boredom and remind yourself how filthy you’ve allowed your life to get. Everything from old batteries to a box of cat litter a pipe has leaked into and ruined are yours for the organizing. There truly is nothing quite like disinfecting all your bottles of cleaning products, if you’ve never tried it.

Spring’s hottest stay-home trend is multi-purpose rooms. Where bedrooms were once used for like…sleep, they’ve now been repurposed into everything from home offices to sound stages, hosting some of the hottest new Instagram Live shows of the season. Where seeing a coworker’s bed would have once been considered overly intimate for the established relationship, now it’s seen as en vogue to know how many pillows your direct reports use! Some VIPs even catch a glimpse of their boss’ dirty laundry hampers, but that kind of access is strictly hush-hush.

And now for something truly special. We at Ridiculously Local have actually secured an under-bed interview with your most skittish pet! That’s right, this spring even the most-forgotten parts of your home have been thoroughly Swiffered, and are ready to welcome you with rare opportunities to have a good time. We belly-crawled down there for an exclusive with Mittens, the aging rag doll cat who wants to know why you haven’t left home in half a month. While Mittens kept quiet about her favorite (obsessively) local hotspots, it’s safe to say that as a creature of 3AM exclusively, you’re sure to have plenty of knee-bruising, furniture-bumping fun if you follow her lead while she chases something invisible before dawn.

At Ridiculously Local, we want you to have a good time, any time, for an unforeseen amount of time, and we’re here to help you see a space you’re pretty darn familiar with in as much new light as possible. No seriously, change up your lamp positioning, it’ll help. That’s all for this edition of Ridiculously Local, we’ll see you next time when we delight your senses buy checking the expiration dates on all your spices, and develop a habit of sleeping on the couch because the bed is the only surface big enough to assemble a puzzle. Bye!

NPR once called me a humor essayist, let’s go with that. Host of A Single Serving Podcast. shanisilver[at]gmail

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