Somebody F*cked With The Peaky Blinders

Season 5, what have you done?

Literally all of the spoilers, honestly you probably shouldn’t read this. I need to vent and don’t want any lip that I didn’t warn you.

It was an impossible task, I’ll say that. Following up Season 4 of Peaky Blinders, literally the best season of television I have ever seen, was a tall order. I honestly don’t even know why they bothered. It could have ended right there, with a beach, a bullet, and a rigged election and I could have just moved forward in life knowing all was handled in Birmingham. I wish they’d just wrapped it up like that, in a big red bow with a razor blade inside, letting us bask in Shelby success like we do every season following some deeply intricate but miraculously pulled off caper. But we didn’t get to bask. There was no basking. Because Season 5 came out, and fucking ruined everything.

First of all, fuck cliffhangers. Cliffhangers are for mainstream television programs like CSI and shit that take the holidays off and then come back to set things right again. Cliffhangers are not for Peaking Fucking Blinders which will take what, two years to tell me who the fuck actually betrayed Tommy and who the fuck is actually this mythical man he can’t beat? Shelbys win, do you hear me? This is a family of winners, a family that gets shit done, a family that eventually figures out how to stick the fuck together, and a family that delivers to me a satisfying fucking ending. I have no idea who these people are and quite frankly I don’t like them.

I see where we’re going, what with the fascism and nazis and whathaveyou. I do have a grasp of history. And where the Shelbys fit into that I have no idea. That’s actually the fun, the not knowing, because over the years Peaky Blinders has built up my trust. I don’t have to worry or wonder what’s going to happen to the Shelbys. Because the Shelbys always fucking win. Unless you leave them in field with a gun to their heads in a most dramatic fashion except we know this shit ain’t ending til Season 7 and obviously Tommy is still alive. Please, I’m not a peasant.

Next, fuck Gina. I didn’t like the way blondie looked behind the eyes from moment one. Something is going on there and I don’t feel this season did shit to communicate to me exactly what. Pot stirrer? Sure—but give…