Sarah Palin Wore A Tuesday Night 1/2 Price Margaritas Top To The Actual White House
And other soul scraping facts from last night.
In a seemingly endless parade of fresh hells, the White House welcomed Sarah Palin, Kid Rock, and Ned Nugent through its doors last night, revealing the true reason those visitor logs are now hush hush.
Charming photos snapped in the oval office show our coulda-been-VP-but-thank-the-sweet-merciful-fates-wasn’t, who felt the occasion called for no more sartorial stateliness than a garment she bought on a whim at Target and tossed into her cart next to the dog food and diet Mountain Dew.
Do I sound bitter? Petty, perhaps? A feminist woman criticizing something as trivial as the wardrobe of a female politician? I sure do. But you know what, kids? Everyone’s decorum has a breaking point, and that rootin’ tootin’ t-ball mom just found mine.
You’re at the WHITE HOUSE, lady! The real one! This is not drinks for Carol’s promotion night at Chili’s. A bit of professionalism, perhaps? Maybe, maybe you can make up for this offense to our corneas by bringing with you, as you were told you could, a guest or two…
Oh for fuck’s sake you brought Ted Nugent. A man so racist that if you don’t already know how racist he is, you’re probably a racist. Did you all take a collective shit on the White House lawn, too? Oddly enough that would have been a more respectful act than permitting Ted fucking Nugent in the Oval Office.
You also brought Kid Rock, who I don’t have anything to say about because he doesn’t matter. Feel free to accessorize your Facebook photos with any human jewelry you like.
The menu, I presume, was our dignity on a bed of spring greens accompanied by some kind of wild game cooked table-side by Zippo lighter. I’m just curious, did you pour the Coors Light directly into White House crystal, or just drink from the can to make cleanup easier and increase your opportunity to not recycle aluminum because global warming isn’t a real thing that exists on the pile of antelope carcass you live on in the sky?
Your crowning achievement, Mrs. Palin, really twisted the rusty blade of right wing bigotry and delusion, didn’t it, boo? You posed with a picture of a former First Lady your party happened to beat in a Presidential election that happened 163 goddamn days ago but who's counting back instead of forward to the day when we get to restore normalcy, decency, and sanity to the White House, really?
Your kind is a lot of things, but what I chose to point out to you now is that you’re terrible winners. You’re disgusting. I’d call you children but I’ve dined with six-month-olds who cared more for doing the right thing than you and that’s while they were shitting their pants. But do what you want, last night was your invitation to do with (literally) anything you wanted, so I don’t care if you post a million poorly dressed, offensive, bragging, sad, petty, photos to your social media platform nobody’s really using anymore. Because you know whose portrait isn’t adorning the walls of our nation’s (typically) most revered home, and never will? Yours.