NYC Pet Peeves As Of 7:29 am Monday Morning
Celebrating 5 whole years in the city that never sleeps. Or bathes.
-Walking behind someone smoking a cigarette.
-Walking behind someone smoking a cigar.
-Walking behind someone smoking a weird, slightly fruity smelling thing.
-Coming into physical contact with other people’s hair.
-Unidentifiable stench.
-Identifiable stench.
-The weather from April to July 4th.
-Everything from restaurants to the dry cleaner is crowded except at 2:37pm on a Tuesday.
-Sidewalk excrement, from any mammal.
-Los Angeles.
-No bar seats available for people who leave work at 6. You’re a blogger, Clarissa, give up that stool for a bitch who’s been on the clock since 8:30.
-Stairs.
-Group dining.
-When you’ve passed the person on the sidewalk smoking a cigarette but they catch up to you at a light and then weasel in front of you again.
-City vermin of all variants, especially the ones on Tinder.
-Animals who bring pizza or french fries on the subway.
-Animals who bring hard boiled eggs on the subway. (It happened.)
Animals who fart on the subway. (And should be relocated atop a garbage heap to live out their days.)
-The line for a major event at Madison Square garden and the line for like…lunch being identical in length.
-The general attitude of the average landlord.
-“I just landed in New York, let’s hang!”
-“I need a restaurant for tonight, any ideas?”
-Heathens who walk on a diagonal line and change direction once you’ve decided how to avoid their foolish path.
-The pervasive and nonsensical absence of laundry facilities in private homes.
-Acrobatic group park yoga.
-Paying $20 for a pumpkin at Halloween.
-Waiting 11 hours to see art.
-Garbage tornadoes that stir up in the breeze.
-An ever-present and entirely valid fear of bed bugs.
-An ever-present and entirely valid fear that you’d be bored to sobs living anywhere else.
