NYC Pet Peeves As Of 7:29 am Monday Morning

Celebrating 5 whole years in the city that never sleeps. Or bathes.

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-Walking behind someone smoking a cigarette.

-Walking behind someone smoking a cigar.

-Walking behind someone smoking a weird, slightly fruity smelling thing.

-Coming into physical contact with other people’s hair.

-Unidentifiable stench.

-Identifiable stench.

-The weather from April to July 4th.

-Everything from restaurants to the dry cleaner is crowded except at 2:37pm on a Tuesday.

-Sidewalk excrement, from any mammal.

-Los Angeles.

-No bar seats available for people who leave work at 6. You’re a blogger, Clarissa, give up that stool for a bitch who’s been on the clock since 8:30.


-Group dining.

-When you’ve passed the person on the sidewalk smoking a cigarette but they catch up to you at a light and then weasel in front of you again.

-City vermin of all variants, especially the ones on Tinder.

-Animals who bring pizza or french fries on the subway.

-Animals who bring hard boiled eggs on the subway. (It happened.)

Animals who fart on the subway. (And should be relocated atop a garbage heap to live out their days.)

-The line for a major event at Madison Square garden and the line for like…lunch being identical in length.

-The general attitude of the average landlord.

-“I just landed in New York, let’s hang!”

-“I need a restaurant for tonight, any ideas?”

-Heathens who walk on a diagonal line and change direction once you’ve decided how to avoid their foolish path.

-The pervasive and nonsensical absence of laundry facilities in private homes.

-Acrobatic group park yoga.

-Paying $20 for a pumpkin at Halloween.

-Waiting 11 hours to see art.

-Garbage tornadoes that stir up in the breeze.

-An ever-present and entirely valid fear of bed bugs.

-An ever-present and entirely valid fear that you’d be bored to sobs living anywhere else.

Written by

NPR once called me a humor essayist, let’s go with that. Host of A Single Serving Podcast. shanisilver[at]gmail

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