No One Knows What The F*ck To Do With Themselves Today, It’s Fine

*Stares into abyss. Sings Wonderwall.*

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Photo by Krystal Ng on Unsplash
  • Make a fresh juice for yourself.
  • Clean your kitchen following your attempt to make fresh juice.
  • Make a playlist of songs you listened to while you still lived with your parents.
  • Put on a full face of makeup. Go nowhere.
  • Recycle all Tupperware missing a lid or dyed orange from spaghetti.
  • Fold all your linens and towels according to a YouTube tutorial’s instructions.
  • Catalog and confirm freshness of all condiments in your possession.
  • Google Thanksgiving recipes and create an intricate family spreadsheet of same.
  • Pillow fort.
  • Purchase holiday pajamas (they’re already available and the ones Target has are really cute).
  • Confirm all of your socks are still suitable for wearing. Dispose of any past their prime.
  • Clean out the scary cabinet under the sink. Feel a smug sense of accomplishment.
  • Prep a multitude of pie crusts you’ll then freeze until the holidays.
  • Do a massive Instagram unfollow of people who annoy the shit out of you.
  • Ask Alexa to play “Meditation Music 2020” on Spotify
  • Stare out a window while drinking a cup of tea and thinking about where you’d like to travel next
  • Order your holiday cards online
  • Solitaire. Turn it into a drinking game if you want.
  • Homemade lasagne from scratch. Takes fucking years.
  • Deep dive into Disney+, commit to animated feature films only.
  • Get underneath every blanket you own. Leave only for sustenance. It’s gonna be ok.

Written by

NPR once called me a humor essayist, let’s go with that. Host of A Single Serving Podcast. shanisilver[at]gmail

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