My Ideal Day As A Single Woman

Photo by Shani Silver

I woke up yesterday and took up as much space in my bed as I wanted while giving my limbs a good morning stretch. I watched the sun rise through the shifting light in the window and dicked around on TikTok for awhile. When I finally sat upright, hair akimbo, I realized I had the entire day ahead of me completely free of plans, obligations, or to-do list items more pressing than folding some towels. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d taken a moment to appreciate the freedom and optimism of something like that. But I have plenty of memories in fear of it.

As single women, we’re not groomed to see them as free days. We’re groomed to see them as empty days. I have such clear pictures of Friday afternoons in shame and disappointment, realizing I had no plans for the weekend ahead. How embarrassing! And let’s be clear about why it’s embarrassing: I didn’t fear the calm of relaxing days spent alone, I feared the reflection of an empty calendar. No plans means no one wants you. It took years and probably hundreds of guided meditations to change my perspective on plans-less time, but we get where we’re going eventually. One day it became less about feeling wanted (or not) by others, and more about recognizing what I actually want for myself, and why. A day with nothing can morph from a failure to a goldmine, with no shift whatsoever to external factors. The only thing that has changed is your…