If “Morning Routines” Were Honest
In this house, lemon water ain’t enough.
Hey guys! Literally no one is asking, except to express shock and horror regarding the time I chose to wake up, but I wanted to go ahead and share my morning routine anyway, because part of my actual morning routine is writing something, and today I chose this. I’m not skipping the details, or sugar coating anything in affirmations. This is what I actually do when I wake up five days a week, and sometimes Saturdays if my anxiety’s bad. Here we go.
First, I wake naturally at 4am. That’s right. No alarm needed, no farm rooster required, just me and my natural circadian rhythm that I’ve had my whole life including when I was a kid and went to sleepovers and would have to lay there silently on a trundle bed for four hours until my goddamned friends would wake up. This is my truth. I love being an early riser, I don’t care how uncool that makes me or how weird, I love waking up before literally everyone else and enjoying the peaceful stillness of the day. I also love ending my workday at 2pm, suckers.
While never making direct eye contact with my phone screen because it hurts, I turn off my white noise app (I prefer an aggressive rain pattern), and tap the button on my phone that turns on the white Christmas lights strewn about my living room. I let my eyes adjust. Then I check everything on my phone that you’re probably not supposed to check before your feet hit the ground, but I like to know what I missed in terms of notifications and Citizen app warnings while I was dreaming.
I make my bed while I’m still in it. Fun fact, this is actually the best and easiest time to make your bed, because it’s SO much quicker and more effortless to use your legs as linen adjusters than to crawl back atop your bed later to reach the side that’s up against the wall. I shimmy out of my Target sheets and into my flip flops. I have to wear special flip flops around my own damned apartment because I have plantar fasciitis and am thus forbidden to be barefoot. I put on my pajamas (I sleep naked, I don’t need to wear fabric to crawl into more fabric, I’m sweaty, thx), and scoop up the cat who is singing me a song of her people next to my bed until I acknowledge her presence. I get one decent morning snuggle from her which will be followed by nothing but attitude until the sun…
