If Justice League Is Playing Shirts vs Skins, These Teams Ain’t Even

Does Wonder Woman get cold?

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I saw Justice League last night. It is not a good movie. I was very sad. But rather than chew it up like so many Sour Patch Kids, I have chosen something other than the plot of this film to dwell on: Fashion. More specifically, the naked-ification of the one female superhero in this film. I think Wonder Woman is cold, I think her pals are nice and toasty in their unitards, and I’m annoyed as fuck about this.

The only member of Justice League who isn’t 100% covered up except for their face and hands is Wonder Woman, showing plenty of skin and even ass cheek on occasion, while we’re settling for just 40% of Cyborg’s face. Wonder Woman needn’t hide her body, I’d be proud as fuck to have those Amazonian limbs, too. All I’m saying is her outfit doesn’t match her squad. You don’t see the pink and yellow Power Rangers scootin’ around in bikinis, do you? Why are these boys wearing bodycon North Face and our girl looks like she’s about to go for a nice dip in the pool?

And don’t give me the argument about her outfit being classic and iconic so we should preserve and celebrate it, because Batman used to wear this shit:

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We can give Ben Affleck a respectable ensemble but we can’t evolve Gal’s look a little bit? What’s the concern here? She’ll be less appealing if we protect her against the goddamn elements? Here’s where that argument falls to shit: Jason Momoa could wear Dobby’s smock and a fashion a jacket out of a Glad bag and I’d still watch him read the Iliad out loud on an empty stage.

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And yes, Wonder Woman is dressed in the garb of her Themiscyrian sisters. But we ain’t in Kansas no more and she’s not used to Gotham’s climate. I can’t tell you how cool I would have thought this garbage film was if they’d outfitted Wonder Woman in head-to-toe badass body armor just like her cronies are sporting.

And yes, I do understand that I’m using a logical argument about temperature and weather to make a point about the imbalance that exists in fictional magical character attire. I do this because I am DC gal at heart, Batman is my favorite superhero ever (still waiting for them to cast a woman in this role, I said it), and if Black Widow and Scarlet Witch can kick ass fully clothed then so can Diana of Themiscyra.

It just feels a little ridiculous. And good lord in 2017 maybe it’s time for the men who create superhero movies to realize how dated they’re behaving when they put a woman in a fucking tutu. Maybe they could just try featuring a badass, intimidating, screen-stealing woman who isn’t made more palatable by showing upper thigh meat. Maybe one day they’ll approach costuming for male and female superheroes in exactly the same way. For the sake of every girl and woman watching and loving superhero films while simultaneously wondering why one character has to dress so differently than the others and the only indication is her gender, I hope someday soon they’ll warm to the idea.

Written by

NPR once called me a humor essayist, let’s go with that. Host of A Single Serving Podcast. shanisilver[at]gmail

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