I Didn’t Get A Book Deal. My Book Publishes In A Month Anyway.

Shani Silver
4 min readSep 26, 2021

Where are my self-published queens?

Obviously it’s an ego thing. The book deal. The big advance. The status, the validity, the ability to show the world that a publisher wanted you. And then you never get any of those things, despite years (and years) of trying. Ironically, the parallels between trying to find a publisher and a husband have been, in my experience at least, legion. Following an eight-year career writing in the singlehood space, in March of 2021 I got my 35th rejection from a publisher. On October 26th, 2021, exactly one month from today, you can buy my book on Amazon.

Yes it’s a flex, but an intentional one, one that I hope helps more people stop waiting to be approved by others and start approving themselves more often instead. I’d like to say that I overcame that ego thing, that I focused on what really matters, helping people feel better about something they have no business feeling bad about in the first place, but really it all came down to bullshit. I’ll explain.

I am a writer. I should be able to write what I want, including a book. A publisher allowing me to think that I can’t write a book unless they bless me with a book deal is bullshit. A publisher making more money per book sale that I make in addition to me making literally zero dollars until my share of book sale revenue has paid back that shiny advance is also bullshit. A publisher retaining the rights to something that came out of my brain is bullshit, too. And the idea that I wasn’t ever going to write a book because despite years of trying all I had ever heard was no—that my friends was the biggest pile of bullshit ever.

It was almost funny, that last rejection. Like…really? I’m just what…never going to write a book now? It was too nonsensical to believe because I know who I am, and I know what I intend to accomplish in this life. But I needed the emotional shock and disappointment of that last rejection. I needed the fuel. Shortly thereafter, I had a conversation with a professional contact of mine who suggested I work with a company called Scribe to self-publish my book, retain all the rights to my book, and make more money per book sale off my book. All of this sounded like a fine idea.