Horoscopes For Single People

Predicting romance for singles? Groundbreaking.

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Photo by Farzad Mohsenvand on Unsplash

Before we get going here, I don’t care if you “believe” in astrology, it’s of little consequence. Whether or not you’ve called your mom and asked for your birth time or not, astrology — and you should know this—believes in you. While I don’t plan my days around my chart, I will say that knowing more about it has brought me comfort and confidence when I’ve needed it. Also, anyone who’s ever had one of those, “so THAT’S why I’m like this” moments knows that astrology is worth, at the very least, an afternoon of light reading. I’m not here to speak to those who think astrology is a waste of time, I have a feeling they’ve got enough to deal with. I’m writing this instead for those who love looking into their birth charts and full breakdowns of current cosmic situations as they relate to who we are. For those wondering, I’m a Cancer Sun, Capricorn Rising, Scorpio Moon—so basically I’m intense, hardworking, and also maybe a witch. Kidding. Kind of.

Horoscopes, as anyone who grew up reading YM and Seventeen will know, are not astrology. Horoscopes are bullshit. There’s no way to whittle down what’s going on in the entire actual universe into a one-sentence quip of advice from someone being paid $300 a month before taxes to tell you your future. When I reference horoscopes and astrology here, I’m speaking of much more in-depth work and discussions that have a lot more to say than just “watch your temper this week Aries, you know what you’re like.” I tend to prefer longer-form discussions in monthly increments, and I get 60-minute readings about twice a year.

While there is certainly some entertainment value in astrology, I tend to follow it because it helps me strategize and understand certain circumstances, moods, situations, etc., and I find a lot of comfort in astrology’s “this too shall pass” energy. Where I take issue with astrology is in its pretty damn universal (no pun intended) approach to single people. Which is to say, all they ever want to tell us is that soon we won’t be single anymore. I’ve been following astrology and I’ve been single for over 12 years. I’m gonna need a little more variety, guys.

You know what I think would be really neat, like just the best? If astrologers had something to say to single people that hit on more topics than just “this month, you’ll meet someone!” The only focus as it relates to single people seems to be the most favorable or unfavorable times in our lives for finding or focusing on finding partnership. Every time I dig into my astrology, that’s all anyone in this space seems to say specifically to single people, which then tells me it’s all anyone seems to think we want to hear. And while it’s certainly not just the astrology space (tried searching “apps for single people” lately?), I would think that a space as broad and full of variety as astrology would be able to acknowledge that there’s a lot more too us than just the desire to “find someone.”

Ive seen astrologers dedicate four paragraphs to the intricacies of romantic relationships during significant transits, then get around to the single people and having nothing to say beyond, “this is a great weekend for romance!” It just seems dismissive, and implies that the only effort that even should be exerted for singles should focus on how to get them partnered up. I think the universe gives a little more of a shit about me than that. Also, we know not to get drastic haircuts during Mercury Retrograde. We get it. Move on.

Societally speaking, single is a sad word, a word that connotes something is wrong or missing from the single person’s life. Which is why I spend so much internet real estate trying to change the way we connect with the word, and further change how we connect with our single lives. My theory is that when we appreciate singlehood for all that is amazing about it, we’re less likely to exhaust ourselves trying to partner up at any cost. We’ll have a better experience of single life overall and be less willing to settle for less than what we want and deserve. I think happy single people make for happy relationship people, but also…they just get to be happy single people in the meantime. So where is the astrology for happy single people? Or the unhappy single people who still deserve more content created for them than just that which tells them how to not be single anymore? We’ve lived this narrow focus long enough, it’s not serving us.

I don’t want astrology to be one more thing that reiterates to me that I’m lacking something. I have the volume at which Trader Joe’s packages jalapeños to remind me of that. I’d love to see an astrology space for singles that celebrates them, and creates specific, compassionate perspectives that acknowledge that we are more than what we lack. If you know of one, please share it, but if I have to get trained in this shit to be the change I want to read in the world, so be it. I’ve wanted to take a course for quite awhile, anyway.

In the meantime though, it’s unhelpful to bitch without also offering solutions to the topic one is bitching about, so below I’ve outlined a few cosmic questions I have that I think might help astrologers broaden their repertoires when it comes to single people.

  • Any good around-the-house practices for us introverty types? What about those of us who need people but find ourselves alone during quarantine?
  • Communication strategies for when annoying people ask us why we’re single and we’re fire signs?
  • Which signs tend to be the “planners” in the friend group, and are there any strategies for communicating what we need from friends when we’re over it?
  • Are there certain signs that are better suited to having more than one cat? Asking for a friend…
  • Help with letting go of expectations of our friends and family when we’re feeling very Virgo about things?
  • What’s up with comparing ourselves to others this summer? Any thoughts on that?
  • Best signs for friendship with Capricorns? Bueller?

So moving forward, maybe let’s talk stars about single people in ways that also acknowledge they care more about just finding a partner? Maybe in ways that make them also feel totally valid before they find a partner? Just a thought, but one that is very dear to me as a lover of single life and astrology alike.

And if you’re interested, a few astrology resources I enjoy:

Sara Vrba

Chani Nicholas

Astrology by Mecca

Susan Miller

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Shani Silver is a humor essayist and podcaster based in Brooklyn who writes on Medium, a lot.

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NPR once called me a humor essayist, let’s go with that. Host of A Single Serving Podcast. shanisilver[at]gmail

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