“Will I be single forever?” I see this question a lot, mostly erupting from a state of panic. One-too-many romantic proposals on piers or awkward poses with sonogram photos happening to someone who isn’t you and boom. The fear, the jealousy, the rage, the helplessness, the exhaustion. The drive to grip the situation by the wheel and do something to end your singlehood as fast as possible. Only whatever you try to do, all the things you’ve ever tried to do—they don’t work. You’re still single, and still scared. You’re also asking the wrong question entirely.
It’s not about dating tips and tricks or Instagram dating gurus or paying a dating coach $1500 for her “secrets” or a matchmaker for her “database.” It’s not about some magical change you can make to yourself and the way you operate that will magically make your partner materialize in front of you. If it was, you’d be married by now, because you’ve already done all of that. What more proof do you need that none of it works?
It’s not about asking yourself whether or not you’ll be single forever, because I believe that if you want relationships, you’ll have them. Maybe not on the timeline you want, maybe not before the stroke of midnight on your 30th birthday, but on a timeline that’s much more tailored to you, yes—I think you’ll be in a relationship at some point. It’s a relationship, not a yacht in Capri, most of the planet parters up — we’re not asking for much.
The actual question isn’t “Will I be single forever?” Instead, it’s “Why is that all you can think about?”
A singular focus, an all-consuming dedication to ending singlehood by any means necessary is quite frankly no way to live. It’s lack-centered, it’s desperate, and if you’re offended by me saying this, welcome—you’re exactly who I want to talk to right now. I’ve been writing and podcasting for years, trying to help women see how much singlehood doesn’t actually suck so that we can break out of a useless dependency on dating, an endless effort to “find someone” and maybe actually live our fucking lives. A single life that doesn’t center dating is about 10,000x happier than a single life that can only focus on finding a partner. You’re actually living less than you could be. Do you really want to know how to not be “single forever,” or…