Enough Already: Where The F*ck Do I Meet My Husband?

I mean really.

Photo by Shani Silver

Everything’s fine until you’re tired. Until fatigue sets in, single women as a group will endure quite a lot. You’d be impressed by the volume of dating advice, dating services, dating strategies, and dating coaches that single women will seek out before we’re no longer willing to believe those things work. (They don’t, just so we’re clear.) Everything’s fine until you’re tired, and then at some point…maybe a year, maybe five years into an active dating life that hasn’t moved the needle even a centimeter, a new mood takes hold, and there is no more patience. That mood is essentially this:

Enough already. Where the fuck do I meet my husband?

When is it enough? When have you made enough changes, rewritten enough profiles, retaken enough photos, gone on enough first dates — when have we done enough work in the single space to just meet someone already? When you hit this place, this frustration and exhaustion fueled by years of unanswered effort, that’s when you become my people, when you start to hear what I say and let it land. My work isn’t something you can be convinced to listen to, the desire has to come naturally, from inside of you. You can’t fake this. You have to understand for yourself that nobody knows where the fuck you’ll meet your husband. And that’s more than okay — that’s freedom.

You did “enough” to be worthy of partnership the day you were born, no further effort was required of you for the love you inherently deserve as a human being. I’m sorry we were groomed to believe something different. Effort is not required to meet the right partners for you. I know that in saying this to an exhausted community I risk you throwing digital cabbages my way. That doesn’t mean it isn’t true. We don’t actually have to grind it out in the dating space for years on end assuming that eventually we’ll have “earned” a partner through our struggles. Because you can’t struggle “enough” for the relationship gods to finally reward you with a partner. Because the relationship gods ain’t real, and if they are, they ain’t listening.

You know how I know? Think of the reasons you’re still dating. It isn’t because you’re having fun there, I know that for fucking sure. It’s because you know someone who met someone on a dating app or…