Take your “there are no good ones left” bullsh*t and shove it where the sun does not shine.

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I love numbers as much as the next gal. Cozying up to my monthly Google Analytics data is my idea of a rockin’ Thursday night. Numbers never lie, as long as you understand what they’re saying. But there’s one area of life where numbers don’t help us, because there’s one thing in the world that’s unquantifiable, unplannable, and unpredictable against any model: love. If love could be predicted, planned, and assured, we’d all stop this dating ballyhoo, hire an analyst, and be…

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And it is most definitely not your fault.

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To begin, I take umbrage (what a fantastic word) with “still.” Still implies that you’re late, that you haven’t done something fast enough, and that’s bad. Last I checked, not only was there no globally mandated timeline for partnerships, but I’m pretty sure we have the capacity to love until we’re dead. Whatever time it is, you’ve got more, and “still” is a trash way of pressuring you into feeling like a loser. Now then, let’s get on with it.

This is a response to an article that was recently brought to…

Careful consideration would be a mistake.

Photo by me.

I never wanted to live here. It wasn’t on my list, I had zero Manolo Blahnik fantasies—just the opposite. This city was too expensive to make sense, too crowded to be comfortable, why would I live here? Then, like most imports, I got a job in New York that paid enough for a one-bedroom apartment and I figured what the hell. Now, eight years later, as I pack up my four sticks of furniture that will fill approximately half a room in my new New Orleans house, I wonder why I’m not upset. I’ve…

Thanks for the content!

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As a writer, and very online person, I have a policy that’s helped me get through tough times like being bullied on the internet for no reason by a stranger. My policy is this: May whatever hurts my feelings make me money. I’ll be damned if someone who hits with his fingers has the power to ruin my day, just the opposite. He’s the thing that’s going to make it even more productive. There’s something about supplementing one’s income through the efforts of assholes that just feels great, you know? Let’s dive in!

Today’s inspiration is…

Goddammit.

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Is there a point? A benefit, perhaps? Some reason that can explain a task that reverses itself as soon as you turn your back to wash a dish? Why add dusting as a chore to our weekend must-dos when we know, full well mind you, that said chore is a fruitless effort the likes of which we can see negated through no action of our own within minutes. Minutes! I want to talk about dusting, and when I say I talk I mean verbally assault the activity with all the piss and vinegar I possess, and if you too…

Discussing best practices, sharing advice, and creating community.

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Every month (almost), I host a free Group Zoom session for Atta Girl writers and those who would like to be. The intention of these Zooms is to give back to the Atta Girl community of writers who are contributing their content to my publication. I’ve been writing on Medium since 2017, and I’ve very rarely seen any actual benefit in giving my content to a non-Medium-operated publication. Inclusion in a publication is no guarantee of more traffic, and no guarantee of more money. Each time I’ve asked publications to tell me…

I typically charge for this.

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I don’t care about your schedule. I’m not interested in how color coded your calendar is or how you actually put on real clothes every day. (Though if you do, good job.) I don’t care about the productivity advice that’s barfed onto this website fifty times a day. What I care about is what we never talk about, the realities of freelance life and earning an independent living that might actually move a needle not just on how you make money, but how you feel while doing it. Hint: When you feel better, you earn…

Going for a good time, and a long time, at the right time.

A friend’s backyard. I want one.

The most chafing thing about moving long-distance as a single woman is that everyone assumes you’re doing it for a secret reason. Since we live in the relationships-obsessed culture that we do, that secret reason is assumed to be a man. There is no man. I am a—rather publicly—single woman who made an independent decision to move across the country. (A decision I’ve made four other times before, also as a single woman FYI.) And if you think there’s something else that’s really going on in the…

Dating apps are not on your team. They never were.

Do you ever feel like you’re the only one who can see something deeply wrong with the world and no matter how many times you try to convince other people that there’s a rabid pink elephant in the room, they can’t see it? After 13 years of being single and over a decade of online dating, Nancy Jo Sales is finally a friend in the asylum. …

One girl, two toilets.

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You know how they say, “Never in my wildest dreams...”? My dreams aren’t that wild. I dream of someday having wild dreams, but for now I like to keep things pretty practical. Wild dreams, in my opinion, lead to a life of lack and longing, whereas just wanting a gut-renovated rental property in New Orleans with original exterior and central air falls on the more achievable side of the spectrum. In one month’s time, I’m leaving my little Brooklyn apartment and relocating to the house of my completely achievable dreams. …

Shani Silver

NPR once called me a humor essayist, let’s go with that. Host of A Single Serving Podcast. shanisilver[at]gmail

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