And you can’t fix it, no matter what.
To begin, I take umbrage (what a fantastic word) with “still.” Still implies that you’re late, that you haven’t done something fast enough, and that’s bad. Last I checked, not only was there no globally mandated timeline for partnerships, but I’m pretty sure we have the capacity to love until we’re dead. Whatever time it is, you’ve got more, and “still” is a trash way of pressuring you into feeling like a loser. Now then, let’s get on with it.
This is a response to an article that was recently brought to…
*Smiles in editor.*
Hello! I’m Shani Silver, the editor of Atta Girl. Here are five reasons why you should read the guidelines for my publication before you get in touch.
- They’re instructive. The submission guidelines actually tell you how to submit to Atta Girl. The vast majority of questions I get about the publication are already answered in the guidelines. Rather than wait on an email response, which could take awhile as Atta Girl is not my actual job, reading the guidelines can most often make things super clear.
- They’re there to help you succeed. The #1 reason content gets…
I know the word “dress” lets you charge more, but...y’all.
If the only place a garment looks long enough to be a dress is on a model who isn’t moving, you my friend do not have a dress, you have a shirt. Shirts, for those unfamiliar, are garments that do not provide ample warmth for a human being from the waist-down, and therefore require a bottom garment of some kind. If you cannot sneeze in a piece of clothing without breaking a local nudity ordinance, it’s a shirt goddammit, it’s a shirt.
Free People, godmother of clothing that presents undergarment…
Is TikTok chaotic? Yes. Is it free and f*cking hilarious? Also yes.
I’m not saying 38 years old is the ideal target market for TikTok, but they didn’t turn me away at the door. I downloaded TikTok because I realized that people were talking about singlehood in a really positive and productive way over there (my god I have such hope for the kids) but then I quickly realized that TikTok, if you pay your own rent, is an amazing place for comedy. There are way more funny people in this world than have ever been given a one-hour special…
*Sips a Stanley Tucci Negroni while watching SVU.*
We can’t all be Hemsworths, and we can’t all be exclusively attracted to them, either. The one-Pitt-fits-all definition of male attractiveness is pretty narrow, actually, and in my opinion a little bit dull. Am I saying the Michael B. Jordans and Chris Evanses of the world aren’t fucking jaw-dropping? No. I am however saying that there’s something really gratifying in being attracted to more than just men who feel like fantasy. …
The dating world is really good at convincing you to want less.
I online dated for a decade. In case you’re cautious about reading my work, fearful that I haven’t put the research in, ten years. Ten years of dating websites and apps of every permutation, deploying every strategy in the book. Never mind that the book was being written as we read it because by humanity’s calendar, online dating is still a novelty. …
Nobody wanted to make their TV pilot. So they frikkin made it themselves.
My friend made a television show! I don’t even know how to make a poached egg but somehow these people made a whole ass show. Forgotten Animals is a television pilot created and written by Jessie Jolles and Sarah Smallwood Parsons. I’m friends with Jessie, I’ve never met Sarah, but I am quite certain we’d be friends too. Right now I’d like us all to take moment to celebrate and congratulate independent creatives who don’t wait for other people’s approval to do whatever the shit they want…
A helpful pre-publish question for anyone who wants people to read what they write, ever.
Pals, if you don’t care if anyone on earth ever reads your work, for heaven’s sake don’t feel compelled to read this. I’m speaking specifically to writers who would strongly prefer that after they publish something on the internet, other people actually read it. Dare I say they’d enjoy other people sharing it as well? I’m going to give you a very simple and implementable piece of writing advice that you can use any time you write something and post it anywhere. I bet you…
Stuck between a wrinkle and bankruptcy? There’s hope.
There’s a difference between buying skincare because you think you’re supposed to, and buying skincare because the mirror commands it. Yes yes positivity, we’re all beautiful, fine. Call me when you see your own face morph into a person you don’t recognize and the only thing that can put the ship back on course costs $200 an ounce. I’m melting, dammit—help.
I’m 38 years old, do you hear me? This isn’t some product review from a 26-year-old salaried beauty editor trying serums atop perfectly youthful skin made of glass and then attesting…
A new piece of single-shaming hits the shelves.
They’re casually cruel, the degrading and devaluing ways people speak to single women. The shame we absorb from “How are you still single?” The lack we absorb from “Are you seeing anybody?” The fear we absorb from “You’re not getting any younger.” The anger we absorb from “Tell me your dating stories!” All while receiving invitations to other people’s validating celebrations in the mail more often than credit card applications and bills. There is casual cruelty in the way single people are spoken to, spoken about, and viewed in society. …
Shani Silver
NPR once called me a humor essayist, let’s go with that. Host of A Single Serving Podcast. shanisilver[at]gmail
