And you can’t fix it, no matter what.

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Photo by Francesco Mazzoli on Unsplash

To begin, I take umbrage (what a fantastic word) with “still.” Still implies that you’re late, that you haven’t done something fast enough, and that’s bad. Last I checked, not only was there no globally mandated timeline for partnerships, but I’m pretty sure we have the capacity to love until we’re dead. Whatever time it is, you’ve got more, and “still” is a trash way of pressuring you into feeling like a loser. Now then, let’s get on with it.

This is a response to an article that was recently brought to my attention, titled: This Is Why You’re Still Single. Not only do I disagree with this essay down to my shoes, but I also cannot physically go on with my day or indeed my very existence without clawing it to shreds like so many couches in homes with cats. …

Don’t fake casual.

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Photo via Shopbop, shirt by Off-White.

You aren’t too much. The existence of you is not an imposition upon the world. The space you take up, the desires you have, the facts of you—it’s all meant to be here, because it is here. …

How to reach perfection. And your serum.

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Photo via Amazon

We’ve been had. Swindled. Bamboozled by Big Skincare. And while I could be talking about all the creams and potions your Instagram ads are trying to terrify you into purchasing lest you crack and wither like Barbara at the end of Beetlejuice, the scam I speak of has been happening to us since our first tube of Clean & Clear, and I for one, am over it.

The bottoms of our bottles and tubes have been robbing us of countless dollars since time immemorial. Those bits and globs you can’t squeeze or scrape with the pump straw in order to get access to. You know what I’m talking about, you’ve stared in through the top of a glass bottle, longing for what looks like at least a week’s worth of product, laughing at you. …


Shani Silver

NPR once called me a humor essayist, let’s go with that. Host of A Single Serving Podcast. shanisilver[at]gmail

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